In Praise of a Dumb House

But at the moment it seems like more of a headache than a blessing to deal with nascent technology breaking, getting hacked—or worse, somehow going haywire and murdering your entire family. As a Gen X’er who often fears change (I never got a CD player and clung to my mixtapes till the bitter end), I know the future is coming, but I sure won’t be an early adopter.

Designer Rafe Churchill of AD PRO Directory firm Hendricks Churchill agrees wholeheartedly. Over the past 30 years he has outfitted several houses with so-called smart systems, but today he has regrets. “Ultimately they create little more than frustrated clients and even more frustrated second owners who realize the equipment is becoming obsolete,” he says. “At the risk of offending prospective clients, I firmly believe there is nothing comforting about illuminated touch screens.”

For me, it’s the concept of a smart kitchen that’s really the stuff of nightmares.

Within the next year, Samsung will begin embedding Google Gemini directly into Bespoke AI refrigerators, microwaves, and ranges. Do I want my fridge cameras scanning my groceries (the images are called “shelfies”) and ordering more? LG’s Signature Oven Range has introduced Gourmet AI, which recognizes your dishes and automatically applies what it deems to be optimal settings. AI Browning monitors bread and sends notifications when it’s ready. But, like, I have eyes. A fridge that informs me if my milk is spoiling? I have a nose. Do I really need AI to tell me when fresh food is good or bad? What if I suddenly can’t turn off this allegedly smart oven and burn my house down?

Aesthetically, I also don’t want a BlueOrigin command station in my kitchen. The room is supposed to be a charming gathering nook where my family can hang out, not a control room outfitted with complex launchpads.

Even some showers are now supposedly “smart,” operated by an app, a control, or your voice. AD100 Hall of Fame designer Alexa Hampton describes one bathroom contraption gone hilariously awry: “I was recently in a house where I could not figure out a complicated shower. I had to ask a fellow houseguest to help me. We ended up sprayed and steamed—while dressed—in a tense variation of a Silkwood shower. I was not pleased.”

While AI is seemingly invading every corner of our lives, designers, paradoxically, are increasingly being asked to strip away the complexities of buggy, overly automated systems, opting for manual control (hello, faucets!) as the ultimate luxury. High-end, custom-designed smart systems are often over-engineered, frustrating, and difficult to manage, not to mention possibly not great for security. I don’t know much about hackers, but I did see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and I’ll take an old-school deadbolt over a computer guarding me any day. I want to turn a lock, feel a click. I want my house to look like a nice cozy place to play mah-jongg, not produce a podcast. I even read about a sensor system that tracks your steps, with the floor illuminating under your feet like in the “Billie Jean” video. No, thanks. Automation is not my lover.

This article originally appeared on Architectural Digest.